Most learning communities fail to reach their potential.
I have three kids in middle school. And over the past 2 years, I've been educating myself on what makes learning communities actually work - not just exist.
The more I go deeper, the clearer this pattern becomes:
You can't have authentic inquiry without psychological safety. And you can't build safety without a shared framework for dialogue.
Most learning environments operate without a shared framework for how to listen or speak. How to respond when things get uncomfortable.
So people perform, but they do so sharing safe ideas. They nod along. They avoid real contact and authentic inquiry that leaves them vulnerable.
The community exists, but its potential stays unrealized. It remains a bunch of individuals exploring together - not a true learning community.
The missing piece: Nonviolent Communication
I first encountered Marshall Rosenberg's work on Nonviolent Communication (NVC) years ago. But I'm revisiting it now with fresh eyes - specifically for how it creates the conditions where people can genuinely inquire, experiment and transform together.
At LearnButWhy we build learning communities for educators and help schools transform their culture. We need more than good intentions. We need a clear code of conduct for group communication. A framework that helps people stay connected to themselves and each other, especially when things get difficult.
NVC isn't just about "being nice" or avoiding conflict
Marshall Rosenberg described it through a simple metaphor: a child feeding ducks at a lake.
Watch how effortlessly the child offers bread. How purely she receives the ducks' response. There's no agenda or performance. Just the joy of giving and receiving.
That's the quality of communication NVC aims for - staying in "play mode." Acting from genuine needs and desires, not from obligation or the need to please.
NVC does this through four core components:
- Observations - what actually happened, without judgment,
- Feelings - emotions arising,
- Needs - universal human needs beneath those feelings,
- Requests - specific actions to address needs.
But the real work isn't mastering the components. It's aiming to stay connected - to yourself and to the other person - even when it gets hard.
It increases the resolution of human connection
NVC increases connection quality between people. Think of it as increasing the visibility of what's actually happening beneath the surface.
Most communication stays at surface level: what we did, what we think should happen, judgments about right or wrong.
NVC creates transparency to go deeper: to our real needs, our authentic selves, our vulnerability.
It's finding a way to connect "from my deeper needs to yours; from my real self to your real self."
NVC permits a higher-resolution connection from one person's heart (needs, feelings) to another's.
The quality of communication determines the depth of joint inquiry
Whether it's educators learning together, schools transforming their culture, or any group trying to do meaningful work - this holds true.
Without psychological safety, inquiry stays surface-level.
Without a clear communication framework, safety remains fragile and accidental.
Here's something I'm noticing: Intellectual understanding may often block genuine connection. We're not truly present when we're analyzing someone's words to see how they fit our model or our expectations. We need to be with them and their experience.
That's why this is becoming a core part of what we're building at LearnButWhy - not just as theory, but as practice. As the actual foundation for how our communities operate.
There's a cost for every action that doesn't come from our real needs, desires and joy. - Marshall Rosenberg
Real learning communities can't be built on performance and obligation.
How to educate yourself on NVC
If this resonates, here are some resources to begin with:
Start here:
- Get the book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall Rosenberg
- Video: Watch Marshall's 3-hour workshop on YouTube
Go deeper:
- Look for NVC practice groups in your area (facilitated sessions where you learn by doing)
- Consider formal NVC training if you want to go further
For learning communities, circles, and pod work:
We're also developing a communication framework training specifically for educators and those facilitating group learning environments. It's based on NVC principles but adapted for the unique needs of learning communities - ensuring safe, authentic sharing within learning pods, circles and collaborative work.
Join the waitlist for our communication framework training →
Looking for connections:
If you know of projects or initiatives using NVC (or similar communication frameworks) in schools or learning environments, please reach out by replying to this e-mail. We'd love to hear about what's working and learn from others already doing this work.
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Welcome to The Why
This is the third issue of our bi-weekly newsletter.
We're here to explore what it means to transform learning & education for humans in the fast-changing, increasingly AI-dominated 21st century. Not only through theory, but through a journey of building, experimenting and learning together.
We support those ready to see and act differently - whether that's transforming yourself or building new learning environments.
Please share with others, who may be interested.
Until next time,
Onur
Founder, LearnButWhy
